ACK ~ Sometime In The Evening Thoughts

I'm sorry ~ I know I said that I'd be back with more of the Shakespeare Experiment on Sunday . . . let's just say it will be tomorrow before I have a chance to sit and write ...

In the meantime .... how about some humor (humour) to pass the time???

Do you think this might catch on??




And this should keep people busy for a bit ....(I am not responsible for broken keyboards .... I'm just saying ... )



Without comment ....

HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY # 233 !!!

It's the time for serious thought, heavy reflection and ... who am I kidding?

It's time for a few good laughs ...

Suppose Twitter had been available 233 years ago??? (click on picture to enlarge)

(that was from historicaltweets.com)



And let's not forget the e-cards just waiting to be sent (to everyone we know!)





And when all else fails .... Cue the Muppets!!!




Have a wonderful day everyone!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Blame It All On The Internet(s) ~ Early AFternoon Thoughts

Sorry, I've been away for a bit ~ that will change very soon. However, this little jewel from College Humor was too good to pass up . . .

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

It's All In The Drink ~ early afternoon thoughts

It all makes sense now,

Subject: Derivative markets, an understandable explanation

Heidi is the proprietor of a bar in Detroit . In order to increase sales, she decides to allow her loyal customers - most of whom are unemployed alcoholics - to drink now but pay later. She keeps track of the drinks consumed on a ledger (thereby granting the customers loans).

Word gets around about Heidi's drink now pay later marketing strategy and as a result, increasing numbers of customers flood into Heidi's bar and soon she has the largest sale volume for any bar in Detroit .

By providing her customers' freedom from immediate payment demands, Heidi gets no resistance when she substantially increases her prices for wine and beer, the most consumed beverages. Her sales volume increases massively.

A young and dynamic vice-president at the local bank recognizes these customer debts as valuable future assets and increases Heidi's borrowing limit. He sees no reason for undue concern since he has the debts of the alcoholics as collateral. At the bank's corporate headquarters, expert traders transform these customer loans into DRINKBONDS, ALKIBONDS and PUKEBONDS.

These securities are then traded on security markets worldwide. Naive investors don't really understand the securities being sold to them as AAA secured bonds are really the debts of unemployed alcoholics. Nevertheless, their prices continuously climb, and the securities
become the top-selling items for some of the nation's leading brokerage houses.

One day, although the bond prices are still climbing, a risk manager at the bank (subsequently fired due his negativity), decides that the time has come to demand payment on the debts incurred by the drinkers at Heidi's. Heidi demands payment from her alcoholic patrons, but being unemployed they cannot pay back their drinking debts. Therefore, Heidi cannot fulfill her loan obligations and claims bankruptcy.

DRINKBOND and ALKIBOND drop in price by 90 %. PUKEBOND performs better, stabilizing in price after dropping by 80 %. The decreased bond asset value destroys the banks liquidity and prevents it from issuing new loans.

The suppliers of Heidi's bar, having granted her generous payment extensions and having invested in the securities are faced with writing off her debt and losing over 80% on her bonds. Her wine supplier claims bankruptcy, her beer supplier is taken over by a competitor, who immediately closes the local plant and lays off 50 workers.

The bank and brokerage houses are saved by the Government following dramatic round-the-clock negotiations by leaders from both political parties. The funds required for this bailout are obtained by a tax levied on employed middle-class non-drinkers.

Finally an explanation I understand .....

Words, Words, Words ~ Late Eveing Thoughts

This is a two-part post tonight . . .

First, Good Ol' Oxford University has complied a list of the 10 MOST irritating expressions . . .

The phrases appear in a book called Damp Squid, named after the mistake of confusing a squid with a squib, a type of firework.

The researchers who compiled the list monitor the use of phrases in a database called the Oxford University Corpus, which comprises books, papers, magazines, broadcast, the Internet and other sources.

The database alerts them to new words and phrases and can tell them which expressions are disappearing. It also shows how words are being misused.

As well as the above expressions, the book's author Jeremy Butterfield says that many annoyingly over-used expressions actually began as office lingo, such as 24/7 and "synergy".

Other phrases to irritate people are "literally" and "ironically", when they are used out of context.

Mr Butterfield said: "We grow tired of anything that is repeated too often – an anecdote, a joke, a mannerism – and the same seems to happen with some language."

Here is the list ~ I'm sure there are others we all would like to see added -

The top ten most irritating phrases:

1 - At the end of the day (a phrase I have come to detest!)

2 - Fairly unique (is this similar to being somewhat pregnant?)

3 - I personally

4 - At this moment in time (a bad song title as well)

5 - With all due respect (usually followed by something showing NO respect)

6 - Absolutely

7 - It's a nightmare

8 - Shouldn't of (instead of shouldn't have ~ my Mother would be so proud!!)

9 - 24/7

10 - It's not rocket science

The American Dialect Society ~ Word Of The Year

Their press release says it best:

Word of the Year is interpreted in its broader sense as “vocabulary item”—not just words but
phrases. The words or phrases do not have to be brand-new, but they have to be newly prominent or notable in the past year, in the manner of Time magazine’s Person of the Year.

The vote is the longest-running such vote anywhere, the only one not tied to commercial interests, and the word-of-the-year event up to which all others lead. It is fully informed by the members’ expertise in the study of words, but it is far from a solemn occasion. Members in the 119-year-old organization include linguists, lexicographers, etymologists, grammarians, historians, researchers, writers, authors, editors, professors, university students, and independent scholars.

In conducting the vote, they act in fun and do not pretend to be officially inducting words into the English language. Instead they are highlighting that language change is normal, ongoing, and entertaining.

2007 Word of the Year,
subprime, an adjective used to describe a risky or less than ideal loan, mortgage, or investment.
Most Useful: green- prefix/compounding form, designates environmental concern, as in greenwashing.
Most Creative: googlegänger, a person with your name who shows up when you google yourself.
Most Unnecessary: Happy Kwanhanamas! [Kwanza + Hanukka + Christmas] Happy holidays!
Most Outrageous: toe-tapper, A homosexual. Senator Larry Craig was arrested in June for an encounter in a public restroom in which toe-tapping was said to have been used as a sexual come on.
Most Euphemistic: human terrain team, a group of social scientists employed by the US military to serve as cultural advisers in Iraq or Afghanistan.
Most Likely to Succeed: green- prefix/compounding form, designates environmental concern, as in greenwashing.
Least Likely to Succeed: strand-in, protest duplicating being stranded inside an airplane on a delayed flight.
New Category, Real Estate Words: subprime, used to describe a risky or poorly documented loan or mortgage.

These are the words for 2007, I will be posting 2008 soon . . . .

Show me - from My Fair Lady

Freddy
Speak and the world is full of singing,
And I'm winging Higher than the birds.
Touch and my heart begins to crumble,
The heaven's tumble, Darling, and I'm...

Eliza
Words!
Words! Words! I'm so sick of words!
I get words all day through;
First from him, now from you! Is that all you blighters can do?
Don't talk of stars Burning above; If you're in love,
Show me! Tell me no dreams
Filled with desire. If you're on fire,
Show me! Here we are together in the middle of the night!
Don't talk of spring! Just hold me tight!
Anyone who's ever been in love'll tell you that
This is no time for a chat! Haven't your lips
Longed for my touch? Don't say how much,
Show me! Show me! Don't talk of love lasting through time.
Make me no undying vow. Show me now!
Sing me no song! Read me no rhyme!
Don't waste my time, Show me!
Don't talk of June, Don't talk of fall!
Don't talk at all! Show me!
Never do I ever want to hear another word.
There isn't one I haven't heard.
Here we are together in what ought to be a dream;
Say one more word and I'll scream!
Haven't your arms Hungered for mine?
Please don't "expl'ine," Show me! Show me!
Don't wait until wrinkles and lines
Pop out all over my brow,
Show me now!

A Moving Tale (2) ~ Early Afternoon Thoughts

Previous post about moving -->here<-- I got the keys to see the apartment, and upon entering ~ I actually loved it. There was a much larger living room, an actual hallway to the bedroom (Le Mutt would enjoy the running room) and, of course, the washer/dryer connections off the kitchen . . . just right to clean and cook, right? The patio was larger and only needed some weedkiller for the forest primeval that was attempting to grow there. All seemed to be well and what I was looking for in living space.

Now came the difficult part, actually making the decision to move. I weighed all the options, made innumerable lists comparing the pros and cons . . . and finally decided that I would once again move. Again, it was only 150 yards down the way. . . and down a short flight of stairs into the apartment or down cement steps OR a slight grassy incline into the porch. Shouldn't be much of a problem.

I had decided that there was no way I was going to pack and move myself. Somewhere I felt there was one of the moving companies that would pack, move and unpack. That was a correct assumption, but you would have thought I was moving into the White House based on the conversations and prices I was quoted. I was stunned to find out what the charges would be just to MOVE things that were already packed. So now I was faced with doing it on my own ~ so to speak. While I was contemplating this turn of events, I got into a discussion with my daughter. My son-in-law, in order to add extra money into their personal stimulus plan had been doing a number of "side-jobs" on the weekends. I decided that I would hire them for the move. . . and pay them quite well for it.

This proved to be one of the best decisions about the move I could have made. I decided on moving the last week of December. The move would occur the 24th of January. My neighbors were planning to make their move to a different complex the same weekend, so we would be able to share/commiserate during the ordeal of boxes and dumping and hauling and sorting.

During the week of the move the weather reports were quite typical for Houston. . . in other words, no one really knew WHAT the weather was going to be like during the weekend. Of course, there is always the chance of rain or storms ~ but nothing such as that seemed to be on any one's mind. The day of the move was actually quite cool, overcast, light wind and some rain was forecast at some point during the day. My daughter, Son-in-law and the 2 grand kids showed up ready to begin the day . . . I was actually ready to begin it myself. Very shortly. however, I was banished sent to the new apartment to oversee the arrivals and to place and unpack them as well.

What my Son-in-law has done was hire four men that work on his construction sites to come and do the lifting, hauling and placing. This meant that he could arrange, box and get things finalized (with the rest of his families help) and they would simply "hoof" it over to me. Talk about an incredible time-saver and energy saver! Very shortly furniture, boxes, tables, beds and all the etc. began to arrive to be placed and/or unpacked. What the moving companies had told me would take two days (!?!) was accomplished in a few hours.

The best moment of the entire move was the arrival of Bonzai (who had been in his large crate the entire time to prevent him from trying to help/hinder the move!) I'm old(er) enough to remember the spectacle of Elizabeth Taylor's entrance into Rome in the movie Cleopatra. The dog arrived much as she did - with one guy on each of the corners of the crate. They carried him through the complex and down into his new kingdom. We were all laughing but I can report that he was "not amused."

He was even less amused when Daughter, Son-in-Law and grand kids all went to dinner and left him behind.

So now I had moved into my new space without too much difficulty (only one slight damage to a piece of furniture) and I was awaiting the quick connection of the phone, Internet and TV.

---that ordeal will follow . . . and it was an ordeal!

A Moving Tale ~ Early Afternoon Thoughts

Le Mutt (officially called Bonzai - because the first day he was around, he had the startling habit of throwing himself off furniture ) and I were quite comfortable in my apartment. While not an enormous space, it was comfortable and had a view of the Bayou unmatched except at the very expensive restaurant down the road. As a two bedroom I had visions of turning the second bedroom into an office/craft room. In actuality, it consisted of piled boxes and "stuff" - with the computer tucked into a corner of clear space.

The apartment laundromat was a matter of steps from my apartment, and when the machines were working was quite convenient. At least that is what everyone told me . . .

in actuality, they are never convenient.

Having the quarters,
loading the laundry,
carrying the laundry,
washing the laundry,
getting more quarters,
drying the laundry,
folding/hanging the laundry,
carrying the laundry (now occupying much more space)
and
putting the laundry away.
(rinse and repeat theme song here)

And, of course, with any apartment dwelling there are neighbors. I was fortunate in that mine were nice and except for the ones above me, relatively quiet. On my side of the building ~ next to me was a couple who were in residence only during the week. On weekends they went to their ranch to play with their cows and horses ~ nice job if you can get it!! Upstairs from them were a delightful couple with a five year old son that was going to be a stand-up comedian someday and a new baby. They were wonderful neighbors, and when I had my first knee operation actually showed up at my door during the recovery to find out if I needed anything and to check that I was OK.

The neighbors directly above me were . . . well . . . quite interesting and unusual. Aside from some strange activities and loud noises from above ~ there was the day (a beautiful Saturday afternoon as a matter of fact) they made rather passionate love (cue bad movie porn sound track here)~ with their windows open. Ah, the sounds of nature. There were a number of people out on the area in front of my apartment which had some BBQ pits and benches . . . they were as fascinated stunned as I was. Even Bonzai was stunned into silence and immobility.

But as I said, Le Mutt and I were quite comfortable where we were and not planning to move anytime soon. (cue ominous sounds here) I really didn't want to go through the hassle of packing, unpacking and transferring everything into a new apartment. Besides, mine was quite convenient and I was settled into the space. Albeit a somewhat cluttered space, but MY space none-the-less.

The 1st week of January, the people next to me told me they were planning to move ~ something closer to their jobs. We chatted about options, and then they told me that the BC building in the complex had a 2 bedroom/2 bath available. THAT conversation was what set all this in motion.

When the complex was built ~ there was a supper club right in the middle. It had the charming name of "Barbary Coast." From what I understand, it didn't take the owner very long to realize that he really didn't want to be in the restaurant business . . . running a large complex was quite enough. After several years, the building was revamped/redesigned with ten individual apartments. Because of the lay-out of the building, no apartments had the same floor plans and each had washer/drying connections. Because of the type of building it is, and the larger apartments along with the connections, demand is rather high for them. As a matter of fact, when one becomes vacant, the complex doesn't even advertise them - current tenants rent them in a matter of days.

So, off I went to the office to ask about the apartment and to get the keys to see it. The apartment itself was about 150 yards from where I was, so moving wouldn't be a major ordeal. Or so I thought . . .

--more to come

You Can't Make These Up!! ~ Early Morning Thoughts

My dear friend EB sent me these pictures w/commentary in an e-mail recently. I just have to share them. These articles/headlines say it all . . . .

I would have guessed about 20

That's a GREAT paint job I say . . .

Good going Captain Obvious!!

Who elected these people?

And they were expecting - what?

What goes around, comes around!!!

That is just mean ~

If you see him PLEASE call ~

Let me know how that works out for you ~

Slightly Over The Edge ~ Early Evening Thoughts

Honest - my mind has NOT checked out because of the coming holiday ~ But these two items have been on the back burner for so long, they were about to dry out . . . especially the X-Files Christmas story. It's slightly over 500 words, but I'll forgive them!

Signs Santa Doesn't Like Your Kid

- 10 -
Kid's letter to north pole comes back stamped, "Dream on, Chester!"
- 9 -
Kid asks for new bike, gets pack of smokes
- 8 -
Along with presents, Santa leaves hefty bill for shipping and handling
- 7 -
By the time he gets to your house, all he has left are styrofoam peanuts
- 6 -
Christmas day, your kid wakes up with a Reindeer head in his bed.
- 5 -
Instead of "Naughty" or "Nice", Santa has him on the dork list
- 4 -
Sends him off on one of them Carnival Cruises with Kathie Lee
- 3 -
First words when kid gets on his lap are, "Touch my beard and I'll put the hurt on you."
- 2 -
Labels on all your kid's toys read "Straight from Craptown."
- 1 -
Four words: "Off my lap, Tubby!"

(Source: Top Ten Lists from LATE SHOW with DAVID LETTERMAN)

The X-FILES Christmas Case
author unknown

"We're too late! It's already been here."

"Mulder, I hope you know what you're doing."

"Look, Scully, just like the other homes: Douglas fir, truncated, mounted, transformed into a shrine; halls decked with boughs of holly; stockings hung by the chimney, with care."

"You really think someone's been here?"

"Someone or some THING."

"Mulder, over here - it's a fruitcake."

"Don't touch it! Those things can be lethal."

"It's O.K. There's a note attached: 'Gonna find out who's naughty and nice.'"

"It's judging them, Scully. It's making a list."

"Who? What are you talking about?"

"Ancient mythology tells of an obese humanoid entity who could travel at great speed in a craft powered by antlered servants. Once each year, near the winter solstice, this creature is said to descend from the heavens to reward its followers and punish disbelievers with jagged chunks of anthracite."

"But that's legend, Mulder -- a story told by parents to frighten children. Surely you don't believe it?"

"Something was here tonight, Scully. Check out the bite marks on this gingerbread man. Whatever tore through this plate of cookies was massive -- and in a hurry."

"It left crumbs everywhere. And look, Mulder, this milk glass has been completely drained."

"It gorged itself, Scully. It fed without remorse."

"But why would they leave it milk and cookies?"

"Appeasement. Tonight is the Eve, and nothing can stop its wilding."

"But if this thing does exist, how did it get in? The doors and windows were locked. There's no sign of forced entry."

"Unless I miss my guess, it came through the fireplace."

"Wait a minute, Mulder. If you're saying some huge creature landed on the roof and came down this chimney, you're crazy. The flue is barely six inches wide. Nothing could get down there."

"But what if it could alter its shape, move in all directions at once?"

"You mean, like a bowl full of jelly?"

"Exactly. Scully, I've never told anyone this, but when I was a child my home was visited. I saw the creature. It had long white strips of fur surrounding its ruddy, misshapen head. Its bloated torso was red and white. I'll never forget the horror. I turned away, and when I looked back it had somehow taken on the facial features of my father."

"Impossible."

"I know what I saw. And that night it read my mind. It brought me a Mr. Potato Head, Scully. IT KNEW THAT I WANTED A MR. POTATO HEAD!"

"I'm sorry, Mulder, but you're asking me to disregard the laws of physics. You want me to believe in some supernatural being who soars across the skies and brings gifts to good little girls and boys. Listen to what you're saying. Do you understand the repercussions? If this gets out, they'll close the X-files."

"Scully, listen to me: It knows when you're sleeping. It knows when you're awake."

"But we have no proof."

"Last year, on this exact date, SETI radio telescopes detected bogeys in the airspace over twenty-seven states. The White House ordered a Condition Red."

"But that was a meteor shower."

"Officially. Two days ago, eight prized Scandinavian reindeer vanished from the National Zoo, in Washington, D.C. Nobody - not even the zookeeper - was told about it. The government doesn't want people to know about Project Kringle. They fear that if this thing is proved to exist the public will stop spending half its annual income in a holiday shopping frenzy. Retail markets will collapse. Scully, they cannot let the world believe this creature lives. There's too much at stake. They'll do whatever it takes to insure another silent night."

"Mulder, I --"

"Sh-h-h. Do you hear what I hear?"

"On the roof. It sounds like . . . a clatter."

"The truth is up there. Let's see what's the matter."

12 days of Christmas ~ What REALLY happened!! ~ Early Evening Thoughts

You won't see this on a TV commercial - when gift-giving goes wrong - horribly wrong!!

The Twelve Days of Christmas ~
What Really Happened...

Letter sent on the first day of Christmas...

Miss Jennifer Masters
227 Aggar Avenue
Bigfork, Montana


December 14, 2000

Dearest John:

I went to the door today and the postman delivered a partridge in a pear tree. What a thoroughly delightful gift. I couldn't have been more surprised.
With deepest love and devotion,
Jennifer

Letter mailed on the second day of Christmas...

Miss Jennifer Masters
227 Aggar Avenue
Bigfork, Montana

December 15, 2000

Dearest John:

Today the postman brought your very sweet gift. Just imagine two turtle doves. I'm just delighted at your very thoughtful gift. They are just adorable.
All my love,
Jennifer


Letter sent on the third day of Christmas...

Miss Jennifer Masters
227 Aggar Avenue
Bigfork, Montana

December 16, 2000

Dearest John:

Oh! Aren't you the extravagant one. Now I really must protest. I don't deserve such generosity, Three French hens. They are just darling but I must insist, you've been too kind.
Love,
Jennifer

Letter mailed on the fourth day of Christmas...

Miss Jennifer Masters
227 Aggar Avenue
Bigfork, Montana

December 17, 2000

Dear John,

Today the postman delivered 4 calling birds. Now really, they are beautiful but don't you think enough is enough. You're being too romantic.
Affectionately,
Jennifer

Letter mailed on the fifth day of Christmas...

Miss Jennifer Masters
227 Aggar Avenue
Bigfork, Montana

December 18, 2000

Dearest John:

What a surprise. Today the postman delivered 5 golden rings; one for every finger. You're just impossible, but I love it. Frankly, all those birds squawking were beginning to get on my nerves.
All my love,
Jennifer

Letter mailed on the sixth day of Christmas...

Miss Jennifer Masters
227 Aggar Avenue
Bigfork, Montana

December 19, 2000

Dear John:

When I opened the door there were actually 6 geese a-laying on my front steps. So, you're back to the birds again, huh? Those geese are huge. Where will I ever keep them? The neighbors are complaining and I can't sleep through the racket.
Please stop.

Cordially,
Jennifer

Letter mailed on the seventh day of Christmas...

Miss Jennifer Masters
227 Aggar Avenue
Bigfork, Montana

December 20, 2000

John:

What's with you and those crazy birds? 7 swans a-swimming. What kind of terrible joke is this? There's bird droppings and worse all over the house, and they never stop with the racket. I can't sleep at night and I'm a nervous wreck. It's not funny. So stop sending me all these birds!
Sincerely,
Jennifer

Letter mailed by special delivery the eighth day of Christmas...

Miss Jennifer Masters
227 Aggar Avenue
Bigfork, Montana

December 21, 2000

O.K. Buster:

I think I prefer the birds. What am I going to do with 8 maids a-milking? It's not enough with all those birds and 8 maids a-milking, but they had to bring their cows! There is crap all over the lawn and I can't move in my own house.
Just lay off me,smart ass.
Jennifer

Letter mailed (return receipt requested) the ninth day of Christmas...

Miss Jennifer Masters
227 Aggar Avenue
Bigfork, Montana

December 22, 2000

Hey! Flushing Toilet for Brains,
What are you? Some kind of sadist? Now there's 9 pipers playing. And boy, do they play. They've never stopped chasing those maids since they got here yesterday morning. The cows are getting upset, and they're stepping all over those screeching birds. What am I going to do? The neighbors have started a petition to evict me.
You'll get yours,
Jennifer

Letter sent by overnight courier the tenth day of Christmas...

Miss Jennifer Masters
227 Aggar Avenue
Bigfork, Montana

December 23, 2000

You Rotten Sadist,
Now there's 10 ladies dancing. I don't know why I call those sluts ladies. They've been messing with those pipers all night long. Now the cows can't sleep and they've got the diarrhea. My living room buried in soft cow pies. The Commissioner of Buildings has subpoenaed me to give cause why this building shouldn't be condemned.
I'm sicking the police on you.
One who means it.

Letter sent by telegram the eleventh day of Christmas...

Miss Jennifer Masters
227 Aggar Avenue
Bigfork, Montana

December 24, 2000

Listen! Loser,
What's with the 11 lords a-leaping on those maids and ladies. Some of them are considering filing sexual harassment charges against ME for having those #@$*() lords! Those pipers ran through the maids and I'm convinced are beginning to think about the cows. All 23 of the birds are dead. They've been trampled to death in the mayhem. I hope you're satisfied,you rotten, vicious swine.
Your sworn enemy,
Jennifer

Letter hand delivered by a sheriff's deputy the twelfth day of Christmas...

Law Offices
Badger, Bender and Cajole
303 Knave Street
Chicago, Illinois

December 25, 2000

Dear Sir:
This is to acknowledge your latest gift of 12 fiddlers fiddling which you have seen fit to inflict on our client, Miss Jennifer Masters. The destruction of the house, of course, was total. All future correspondence should come to our attention. If you should attempt to reach Miss Masters at Happy Valley Sanitarium, the attendants have instructions to shoot you on sight.
Please note that under separate cover, the deputy who delivered this has a warrant for your arrest.
Wishing you the best for the holidays!
Badger, Bender and Cajole

It's about time ~ Early Evening Thoughts

It's about time that I climbed out of my writer's slumber, my ~ whatever it's called and get back to writing here.

For those whom I know from the blog, I apologize for the delay. Just know, that life actually has gotten quite nice and ~ being me ~ not without it's humorous adventure side.

Starting tomorrow I'm back in the saddle and ready to continue blabbing sharing what's been happening and what is going on...

First up, I'm going to finish the story of what brought me to this point and I've also got a new collection of Elegant Timewasters ...

warm valley —
countless geese
seeking refuge


moonrise —
the dark night of a soul
lifts

Biting off
more than I can chew —
a broken wisdom tooth.

chanting canyon streams

Opening bell
echoes from the canyon walls --
raindrops on the river.

The sounds of rocks bouncing off rocks;
the shadows of trees traced on trees.

I sit, still.
The canyon river chants,
moving mountains.

The sermon spun on the still point:
dropping off eternity, picking up time;
letting go of self, awakened to Mind.

---Above the Fog ~ Short Poems by Michael P. Garofalo
Selections from Cuttings

---more tomorrow

Post-Valentine's-Mortum ~ Early Evening Thoughts

Let me say up front, there were a couple of people that thought I was little (!?!) cynical about Valentine's Day. I will reply in honesty ... Yes, I probably was. However - let me explain.

(Assuming best Masterpiece Theater voice)
My week of working in the florist shop began on Tuesday ... the calm calm before the storm. It was a long day, but fairly uneventful. By the afternoon, the temperature had begun to rise in the clients calling in for orders. Still, no one appeared to have "lost it" at this point.

Wednesday the floodgates opened at 8:30am and the phone did not stop ringing until 5pm that night. There were 120 orders and walk-ins that went out the door that day ... some were called in, some were web orders from Telefloral and FTD. Still, the day went smoothly and people seemed pleased. By the end of the day - there appeared to be over 230 orders that were going to have to be delivered on Thursday.

Thursday (the actual day of Valentine) the phones started ringing at 7am ... they were not answered until 9am. From that point on it was non-stop. We actually had people calling in at 10am wanting to know why the arrangements they had ordered had not been delivered yet.

Finally all the drivers had loaded their vans and headed out to all points of delivery. At this point, we are keeping tabs on inventory AND zip codes. There were several people who had not listened when they were told there were no guaranteed delivery times for that day ... it would get there, we just couldn't say when.

The day was moving forward (cue sound track from Jaws here). At this point the calls were being balanced between people wanting to know when, people wanting deliveries to areas we didn't and people wanting the impossible. "I'm sorry sir, we don't sell carnations -- of any color and we would be unable to deliver them to Clutch, TX even if we did. (actual name of town).

There was only one complaint at that point - she didn't think her arrangement was "perfection" and wanted another. Fortunately, she was in the building so a new one was walked up to her - and the "imperfect" one brought back to the shop. As it was sitting on the counter ready to be put back in the cooler, someone walked in and bought it. The front of the store was beginning to resemble a bargain basement - people trying to wheel and deal.

Technically there is no smoking in the building, but as I was not going to be able to leave to go outside, I was given an ashtray and I took two smoke breaks the entire day. Lunch was at the desk ... the work must go on.

At this point I was dealing with people who forgot it was Valentine's Day -- or just waited until the last minute...not a good idea on this holiday ~ trust me on that one!! There is a certain 800/internet outfit that takes any order that comes in and then tries to farm them out to local florists at the last minute. I had to deal with about 10 phone calls from them and ended spending quite a bit of time explaining each time why we couldn't/wouldn't be able to help.

The wire brought in 3 orders for funerals in town and I ended up wiring out several funeral orders for out of town. And the phones kept ringing. The system that the shop uses allows us to look up florists in a specific zip code - I was using that a lot to tell people who to call that might be able to deliver. Also, we have a similar name to another florist close by ... several calls from people who were unhappy with the arrangement only to be told that they had called the wrong shop ...

Four O'clock came and thought we were surely through with all the last minute orders - when this gentleman(?) called in to demand that a dozen roses be delivered to an address forty-five miles away in rush hour traffic. He became highly incensed that had to tell him that we were not going to be able to do that. I was going to offer to deliver it for a $100 delivery charge, but thought better of it.

Why the chaos? It can be summed up, I think, by saying that of all the holidays Valentine's Day is the most personal. People do remember their friends (thank you DB, EM for your ecards!!) But by and large this is a time that seems to be for those who are in a relationship, want to be in a relationship or need to be in a relationship. And, they get crazy and somewhat stupid illogical. For example ... I got a call (on Thursday) from a gentleman who wanted to recognize that he had been with this person for two Valentine's Days. He was insistent that there be only two roses in a vase ... no greenery, etc. AND that it be delivered. This delivery was going only a few blocks from where we were ~ and not much further than from where he was. No, it had to be delivered and as soon as possible. This arrangement probably would have cost him at the most $12 using premium rose buds. We have a $35 minimum delivery AND a $15 holiday delivery fee. He spent $50 to have it delivered.

Ah yes, the wonders of the holiday...I'm glad I only do this once a year to help out. There was talk about having me work Christmas week, but I think I'm going to be very "busy" that week. I think I'll be able to appreciate the season more!!!

He loved her very much.

He wanted this Valentine's day to be special, so he had ordered a bottle of her favorite liquor imported from France and it had arrived in time for the occasion.

On his way home, he stopped at the local florist. He had planned to have a bouquet made with her favorite flower, white anemones. But to his dismay, he found that the florist had sold all her flowers and had only a few sterns of feathery ferns left for decoration.

In a moment of inspiration, he had the answer.

He asked the florist to make a bouquet using the flask of liquor instead of flowers and what she produced was magnificent well beyond his expectations. He added a card, and proceeded home.

When he arrived, his wife was beautiful in her most elegant gown, and it was apparent that she had spent much of the day preparing a romantic candlelight dinner for the two of them.

He presented her with his gift, and she opened the card to read, "Absinthe makes the heart grow fonder."

With a tear in her eye, she whispered to him lovingly, "Yes, and with fronds like these, who needs anemones."
---Stan Kegel

It's A Matter Of The Heart ~ Late (to me) Evening Thoughts

It's been a very crazy week ~ and it's only Wednesday!!!! I've been helping D&D in the flower shop they work at ... a small busy shop with L A R G E personalities... My job has been to answer the phone and take orders. I would estimate that there were 150 arrangements that were delivered today and I believe there are over 250 for tomorrow! So, posting, cleaning the house and getting much of anything done has been put on hold for Friday....

Here's my thoughts on Valentine's Day -- obviously colored by my week with flowers!!

The Pen Becomes Mighty ~ Late Evening Thoughts

Those who have followed this blog know that I love words, language and writing. It wasn't until tonight that I discovered ~ to my horror ~ that poetry is considered dangerous....


Yes, those wonderful collections of words are now terrorist material!!

You might want to get a pencil and pad to take notes ... everyone is depending on you!!!



Remember ~ no more poetry!! They will come and take you away!!!


Edit: January 29th, 9:49pm ~ I feel terrible! I forgot to mention that the video was taken from The Durn Moose blog - a really great blog that I try to read every day!!! Sorry Moose!!!!