A Last Minute Suggestion ~ Late Night Thoughts

If you are looking for a last minute Father's Day gift (for me, of course!) ~ look no further ... from Bloomberg.com.

A diamond-encrusted platinum skull by Damien Hirst will go on sale for 50 million pounds ($99 million) in London. The price compares with the $8 million hedge-fund manager Steven Cohen paid for the artist's pickled shark in 2005.

``For the Love of God'' is covered entirely by 8,601 stones weighing a total of 1,106.18 carats. It will form part of the exhibition, ``Beyond Belief,'' at the White Cube, Mason's Yard gallery next month. Other works will go on show at Hoxton Square.

A sale of the skull for about $100 million would put Hirst, 41, on a price level with Pablo Picasso and Gustav Klimt, dead artists who produced some of the 20th century's most famous works.

White Cube won't release an image of the skull (I have an image below) or discuss security, gallery spokeswoman Sara Macdonald said in a telephone interview. She confirmed the 50 million-pound price, reported in the Sunday Times on April 29. There's a private view on June 2 and the exhibition will open to the public from June 3 through July 7.

The show will include two new series of works. ``Fact Paintings'' depicts the birth of Hirst's son Cyrus by cesarean section in August 2005. ``Biopsy Paintings'' are based on images of 30 different forms of cancer and other terminal illnesses.

Twelve new sculptures will include seven formaldehyde works from Hirst's ``Natural History'' series. ``Death Explained'' presents a tiger shark cut in two, displayed in separate tanks.

``In this exhibition, Hirst continues to explore the fundamental themes of human existence -- life, death, truth, love, immorality and art itself,'' White Cube said in a press release.

The U.K. artist employs about 80 people in studios and administration, having added 30 staffers to handle coming shows, his spokeswoman Jude Tyrrell told Bloomberg News in March.

Assistants help create art ranging from medicine cabinets to pickled animals to butterflies stuck in gloss paint, she said.

Actually - when you scroll down to see the skull ... it's really kind of creepy. Perhaps the pickled fish would be a better idea? Or as my Mother would say: "Just one more thing to dust!"

And Yet, It Does Matter (end) ~ Early Morning Thoughts

Yesterday's post ended with the idea that the The symbol is NOT the thing symbolized. The map is NOT the territory. The word is NOT the thing. And this is very important as individuals. I am not a label, I am not a word, I am not a symbol. I am me.

Several years ago, I performed in a delightful theatrical adaptaion of Author Robert Fulghum's All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten. In once section (borrowed from one of his other books) he imagined a party where people were exchanging business cards. Each time "he" was handed one, he would look at it, then ask ~ "But, what do you do?" The reactions in the script and from the audience was ~ to say the least ~ delightful. Finally, he had this to say about what he did when he got himself a new business card:

What counts is not what I do, but how I think about myself while I’m doing it. In truth, I have a business card now. Finally figured out what to put on it. One word. ‘Fulghum.’ That’s my occupation. And when I give it away, it leads to fine conversations.

What I do is to be the best Fulghum I can be. Which means being a son, father, husband, friend, singer, dancer, eater, breather, sleeper, runner, walker, artist, writer, painter, teacher, preacher, citizen, poet, counselor, neighbor, dreamer, wisher, laugher, traveler, pilgrim, and on and on. I and you—we are infinite, rich, large, contradictory, living, breathing miracles—free human beings, children of God in the everlasting universe. That’s what we do.

And there it is ~ no labels necessary. No trying to figure out "what" someone is or is not. And that's what I'm striving for ~ to be me...the best WD I can be.

OK TZ, it took me longer than 100 words (I delighted in the email challenge however!)

But I would like to close this post with a new (to me) quote:

Robert Fulghum in his book Maybe, Maybe Not:

I do not believe that the meaning of life is a puzzle to be solved. Life is. I am. Anything might happen. And I believe I may invest my life with meaning. The uncertainty is a blessing in disguise. If I were absolutely certain about all things, I would spend my life in anxious misery, fearful of losing my way. But since everything and anything are always possible, the miraculous is always nearby and wonders shall never, ever cease. I believe that human freedom may be stated in one term, which serves as a little brick propping open the door of existence: Maybe.

And Yet, It Does Matter (2) ~Early Morning Thoughts

Yesterday, I vented my "orientation fatigue" about people who feel it's absolutely essential to label everyone according to orientation ~ straight, gay, bi-sexual, non-sexual, waffle-sexual, buy-sexual and whatever. There were the "ladies" of "The View" trying to determine if Hugh Jackman was gay (suggesting because he had married a less than attractive (!?!) wife he was suspect), there were a number of blogs determining if Enrique Iglesias was gay because he dared perform at the largest gay nightclub in Europe (not for free I can assure you) and sang one of his signature songs to a patron on-stage. My feeling was (and still is) "WHAT DOES IT MATTER?"

A lot.

After I finished quelling the desire to yell and become a hermit, I realized what was really going on was something that I work hard NOT to do. All these instances were simply a desire for labels. Didn't matter if the label was/is accurate or not, the important thing was/is to get the label. And this is why it does matter ~ regardless of orientation.

ALERT:
THE NEXT SECTION
IS GOING TO BE VERY FRANK ~
YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

I was trying to figure out why the labels of today are so important. In thinking about some of the labels over time and I was struck by how many of them were and are used to define the relationship with a supposed "enemy."

A time tested method of establishing such a relationship is by constantly referring to "the enemy" with some sort of derogatory label. Depending on your age and what you read or were taught (or believe), the labels you know of might be: Nips, Krauts, Slopes, Monkeys, Panheads, Gooks, Commies, or Ragheads. Soldiers aren't the only people who employ this technique. Hate groups label the enemies of the week as Nigger, Kikes, Jew Bastards, Half-Breed, Witch, etc.

And soldiers and bigots aren't the only ones to do this. The use of derogatory labels is a widespread technique for legitimizing the mistreatment of others. From grade school to Columbine to the NFL, our culture refers to those who are "not accepted as non-enemies" as Wimps, Freaks, Homos, Faggots, Pussies, Retards, Breeders, Fag Hags, Fag Stags, Sluts, Celebutard, Bitch, C--t, Redneck, etc. Someone, somewhere has, I'm sure, a more complete list if you care to look it up. I'll leave the list at that - and pardon me while I sanitize my keyboard.

And if you question my use of Columbine, here is the opening paragraphs of an article from The Denver Rocky Mountain News - July 25, 1999:

At Brooke Gibson's high school, nasty nicknames were the norm. "Nigger lover" was what they called her when she listened to rap. "Dyke" when she cut her blond hair short.

At the school her sister Layn attended, nicknames might poke fun at someone's shirt color, but never their skin color or sexual orientation.

It was the same school.

Columbine.

I realized that the label(s) make some people comfortable. Much as the old country fellow said: "Yur either fer us or agin us!" And there it is ~ labels define who is "fer" us or "agin" us. If Hugh Jackman marrying a less than attractive woman (according to "The View") makes him suspect as being gay or Enrique Inglasias performs at a gay night club makes him gay ~ then that helps define the "group" and where they belong. But then, according to S.I. Hayakawa's Language in Thought and Action:

The symbol is NOT the thing symbolized. The map is NOT the territory. The word is NOT the thing. Most societies systematically encourage ... the habitual confusion of symbols with things symbolized. For example, if a Japanese schoolhouse caught fire, it used to be obligatory in the days of emperor-worship to try to rescue the emperor's picture (there was one in every schoolhouse), even at the risk of one's life.... The symbols of piety, of civic virtue, or of patriotism are often prized above actual piety, civic virtue, or patriotism.

In one way or another, we are all like the student who cheats on his exams in order to make Phi Beta Kappa; it is so much more important to have the symbol than the things it stands for.

So, (he said with a lot of trepidation) if the word is not the thing ~ why does it carry so much weight and/or power to hurt or destroy?
---more tomorrow

And Yet, It Does Matter ~ Early Morning Thoughts

I read quite a few blogs ~ actually a LOT of blogs. It's always interesting to see what people are talking about, what concerns people on the internet ... as anyone who reads blogs can tell you ~ sometimes it's funny, sometimes its somewhat frightening and then there are the days where irritation lands similar to a cartoon anvil.

A number of the blogs were all "a-twitter" over a discussion the ladies (a term I might ...no, I won't go there) of "The View" had whether Hugh Jackman ~ known as Wolverine in the X-Men series ~ might be gay or not. Evidently no definite conclusions were drawn...at least by the time of the commercial break. (please note: Rosie was no longer on the show - and these were women who usually talk over each other doing news topics) No conclusions were reached other than that men who marry women not stunningly attractive, are considered possibly gay. (what a lovely thing to say about Hugh Jackman's wife!!)

Then - while in London Enrique Iglesias performed ~ neither by surprise nor free ~ at one of the Europe's largest gay nightclubs. He was doing his usual songs, and came to one of his signature pieces titled "Hero." At this point, he usually brings a woman up on stage and sings to her. In this case, he called up one of the bar's male patrons and sang the song. A large number of blogs went beyond "a-twitter" to almost hysteria...(including some that should know better) although any performer will tell you ~ you play to the audience you have. Ask Bette Midler.

To make the day complete probably should have involved a phone call from D&D, but instead I got a call from someone who might be a delightful replacement for them. I was regaled with a complete description of a movie he had just watched and had to listen to an extended description of the people in the movie and their possible orientation. (I have watched movies with this person before ~ this is nothing new)

I'm going to be politically incorrect here ~ but at this point I was, frankly, suffering from "orientation" fatigue. After the 5th time of trying to convince my movie reviewer and performer sexual preference psychic, I gave up and gently but firmly ended the conversation.

I thought about why all this seemed to be going on, and why it mattered at all. I literally wanted to go out in the middle of the complex and yell ~ "WHAT DOES IT MATTER?"

My point is talent is talent is talent. If it's good it needs NO labels. If it's good it will cross lines, orientations and even - Lord help us - party affiliations. I don't spend my time while watching a movie wondering what someone does in their off-time. If the performance is terrible I will 1) regret that I'm there and have been known to 2) count patterns on wall paper or buttons on what someone is wearing to keep my mind and/or body from falling asleep.

As a slight aside, my technical theater instructor in college told about having to design a really, really awful show. He painted grape clusters on the wallpaper of the set ~ only each cluster had a different number of grapes. His rational was that perhaps the audience might make it to intermission before they finished counting the grapes.

After I finished quelling the desire to yell and become a hermit, I realized what was really going on was something that I work hard NOT to do. All these instances were simply a desire for labels. Didn't matter if the label was/is accurate or not, the important thing was/is to get the label. And this is why it does matter ~ regardless of orientation.

As I've written about before, labels are very handy for boxes, shelves and sock drawers, but deadly when applied to people...blonds are dumb(er), geeks wear glasses, people who appear smart or work hard are nerds...to the racial, orientation and intelligence labels designed to either hurt or put people "back where they belong."
--more tomorrow

--the intro notes to Enrique Inglesias "Hero"
www.8notes.com/school/riffs/guitar/enrique_iglesias_hero.asp
--Twilight Zone picture unfortunately had no credits or year
--grape cluster picture
www.forchini.com/history.html
--fire picture
http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/56877193/

You Too Can Be A Lender To The Poor (news) ~ Thoughts

Several weeks ago, I wrote about becoming a micro-lender to people overseas who would not qualify for loans through normal channels. Yesterday, a major blog site (other than mine ~ of course!) Trend Hunter did an article on micro-lending in general in Kiva specifically. (full article -->here<--)

Why donate when you can empower? Kiva.org lets you loan money directly to an entrepreneur in the developing world. Specifically, the online site connects you to a network of entrepreneurs through local microfinance organizations. So far, Kiva has hooked up over $6 million in loans to more than 60,000 entrepreneurs.

For example, Agnes Lawer (shown) is an entrepreneur in Ghana seeking a $900 loan to develop her bead manufacturing business. She plans to repay her loan in 9-12 months. You could loan her the $900 directly, or a portion.

The Kiva site describes, “Kiva lets you connect with and loan money to unique small businesses in the developing world. By choosing a business on Kiva.org, you can “sponsor a business” and help the world’s working poor make great strides towards economic independence. Throughout the course of the loan (usually 6-12 months), you can receive email journal updates from the business you’ve sponsored. As loans are repaid, you get your loan money back.
We partner with organizations all over the world.”

Kiva ROCKS.

I also understand (although I'm still trying to confirm this) that Charles Gibson also did a piece on the news tonight on the subject.

But - remember, you saw it here before they did!!!!

Daddy Dearest ~ Early Morning Thoughts

I did a little research about the upcoming holiday of Father's Day.

About 4,000 years ago a young boy named Elmusu wished his Babylonian father good health and a long life by carving a Father's Day message on a card made out of clay. (No one seems to know exactly where this charming and suspect legend comes from ...) No one knows what happened to Elmusu or his father, but the tradition of having a special day honoring fathers has continued through the years in countries across the world.

In the Catholic Liturgical Calendar, Father's Day is celebrated on St. Joseph's Day ~ March 19. In the Lutheran Church, March 19 is also observed as the Feast of St. Joseph. And even other Protestants denominations celebrate a Festival of Joseph. In New Orleans, the feast is celebrated with elaborate altars and even parades.

In the Eastern Orthodox Church, the feast day of St. Joseph is celebrated on the First Sunday after Christmas).

The idea for creating a day for children to honor their fathers began in Spokane, Washington. A woman by the name of Sonora Smart Dodd thought of the idea for Father's Day while listening to a Mother's Day sermon in 1909.

Having been raised by her father, William Jackson Smart, after her mother died, Sonora wanted her father to know how special he was to her. It was her father that made all the parental sacrifices and was, in the eyes of his daughter, a courageous, selfless, and loving man. Sonora's father was born in June, so she chose to hold the first Father's Day celebration in Spokane, Washington on the 19th of June, 1910.

In 1924, Calvin Coolidge supported the idea of a national holiday, but according to several sources, the first presidential proclamation of the 3rd Sunday in June as Father's Day was in 1966 ~ but only for that one year. Finally, in 1972 Father's Day was made permanent by another presidential proclamation.

Any man can be a father,
but it takes a special person
to be a Dad.

Dark Matter In Space and Life(coda) ~ Early Moring Thoughts

As I had talked about "I" messages, and mentioned the use of what I was calling "directed" questions to try and effect change in someone ~ what I had not counted on was someone taking far more direct action. I had written that SE chose to believe that 1) things would always work against whatever was wanted, 2) that nothing could/would go the way they wanted and 3) anger is/was the only way to deal with the what was happening.

Earlier in the day SE had decided to "put someone in their place." Unfortunately, the person being "put in place" made a very quick decision that was not something they were going to tolerate. SE had a very abrupt realization that there could be pain attached to taking anger out on someone ~ very abrupt and very painful.

You will not be punished for your anger, you will be punished by your anger.
--Buddha

Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.
--Buddha

I have spent a long time with SE today, which limited my on-line time. However, I can say - there was a positive result of it all, and I'll return to the topic tomorrow night. (And SE has agreed that outside help is needed with the issues ~ which is one of the major results I wanted.)

Dark Matter In Space And Life(2) ~ Late Night Thoughts

There was a slight (?!) pause between the last post and this one (OK ~ I regard 24 hours as slight...in posting time anyway.) However, I had a delay in getting an answer to what was wearing me out.

However, here is where I'm standing at the moment. Exactly how can someone be told what the bitter anger, resentments and "persecution" is doing to them and to those around. How can you show someone - who can not see the examples around them - that things can and should be different.

As I was searching for answers, I stumbled over the answer right in front of me. There is no use "telling" someone what their anger/bitterness/resentments are doing to themselves and/or others. Doing this could result in an enormous argument with denial and even more anger. Instead of helping, it creates more barriers to any change or epiphany to create a sense of what needs to be done.

I would love to say that this is the "WD method of handling people" and market it. However, it really is a combination of a number of ideas that I've heard/read/ripped off/been told over the years. In this problem, it involves two parts: 1) the I part and what I will call 2) the directed question part.

Often, when someone has a problem with another person, they tell them so by using a "you-statement," for example, "you didn't .....!" While the statement may be true, by phrasing it that way, the listener is likely to get defensive, and begin to argue. They might reply, "I couldn't because the deadline was unreasonable!" or "You are always pestering me.....!"

Another approach to the same problem is using an "I-message:"

When you interrupted me speaking
I felt angry because
I was feeling unimportant.

While this disguises a "you" statement, it allows the thoughts/feelings of the person to be expressed in a fairly non-threatening manner. Hopefully, it will cause the other person to think and not simply react. However, there has been some rethinking about these statements. (But wait ~ there's more!) The point of the statement is to get the other person to see the problem from a different non-threatening point of view. However - there is a tendency for these statements to come across as stilted, childish and somewhat patronizing ~for adults anyway.

Situation 1: Mark is yelling at James because James changed the channel on the television from MTV to VH1. Mark is calling James names and telling him to turn it back or else Mark will pound him.

Traditional "I" message:
James says to Mark: "I feel angry when you call me names and yell at me and I want you to stop it."

The above statement would warm the heart of almost any trainer/consultant over the last few years. What I think it would NOT do is change anything in the situation.

New "I" message:
James says to Mark: "Hey, Mark. Cool out, man. I'm starting to get angry. I don't like it when people call me names and threaten me. I didn't know that changing the channel was such a big deal. Can we work this out like friends?" (no doubt a sanitized version of the actual conversation)

(And as a bonus ~)

I thought these kind of statements were easy ~ I was given this example from the Ohio Commission of Dispute Resolution and Conflict Management. I would be interested in answers. Aside from the fact this brought up a huge set of memories (not so pleasant) that, frankly, surprised me.

Jerome is walking to his locker when an older student bumps into him and then begins yelling at Jerome about being stupid and clumsy.

Jerome say to the older student:
(ten bonus points if the end of the statement does NOT involve Jerome hitting the other student or both of them getting expelled/suspended.)

Now, the second part that could be used is (as I said) what I'm calling the "directed" question. These questions are somewhat probing and yet, non-threatening. These are more difficult to phrase. This is actually what I've begun to use with the problem I'm facing. I want SE to see for them self what their behavior is doing to them self and those around.

These type of questions take thought and some planning.


---more on this tomorrow (within 24 hours I promise!)