Saturday, December 30, 2006

Early Morning Thoughts ~ friendship broken

I wanted to
be a friend.
To be there when
you needed me,
and share with
all you wanted.

I yearned to
make things
in your life,
in your thoughts
in your hopes.

We would stand
united in our
dreams and
each other.

I've had a long-term friendship with D for almost 9 years now. She been what I would call a very dear, long-term friend. We often were separated by distance or job, but when we talked it was almost as if no time had passed. She had an uncanny ability to see into the heart of situations and people. But then it began to change.

It's always been an important part of me to accept people as they are - I have often said: If you can't accept me at my worst, you have NO right to see me at my best. Having said that, I also realize the importance of being who I am in relation to others. As was posted last night, I had been through a situation where I gave up being me. And you can't be you and keep you on track if the fences aren't mended and the boundaries aren't set.

The reason I like to use the fence analogy is because fences have gates...and you can let people in or out. You can also keep people out. When a fence is in need to mending however, that boundary is not there. And without boundaries, there is chaos. And try as I might, there seemed to be no repairing the fences/boundaries. I finally gently but firmly re-established some boundaries that I felt were essential to keep the friendship intact. There is a risk in any relationship - friend/lover/partner/relative - when that is done. There is the risk that they will not accept that and either try and tear it down, tear you down or end the friendship.

While not going into details, she chose two of the options, one of which was to end the friendship. As I had already weighed the risks - I was somewhat prepared. I say somewhat, because you can never be completely prepared for something based on human interaction.

I had written a long time ago: "The ending of a friendship is a painful as the click of a coffin lid." And I still believe it now. However, I gained so much during this time and have enjoyed many many things with her that while there is a great loss, I have not lost myself or what is part of me. While you can have many acquaintances, you will only have a few close friends. Cherish those you have, and enjoy them - nurture that friendship. Build them up in ways that complement not only them, but yourself as well.

End Thought
Buddah once said: Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one getting burned.


Anonymous said...

Wow! It's so very hought provoking.. Especially the line "If you can't accept me at my worst, you have NO right to see me at my best" Really amazing!!

Anonymous said...

I was so taken aback while reading ur blog...its so touchy and as u have rightly said...if one cannot accept the worst of u...they dont deserve to see ur best as we are always best in front of outsiders and only worst with our closest ones but dear u have to understand one thing..there is something known as human heart...if u hurt that massively then it is bound to u shud also keep in mind certain things while conveying something..goodluck :)