And The Non-Winner Is .... Early Evening Thoughts.

My apologies for not posting over the last few days. I really couldn't bring myself to post something humorous or trying to let you know part of the story when I myself didn't know how it was going to turn out. I wrote in the last point about my friend playing crash and burn with his body and mind. I think crash and burn won....

After he recovered from last Sunday ~ we had several l-o-n-g talks about what was happening and what he was not only doing to himself, but to those around him. I was trying to be careful not to be judgmental and/ or evangelical. It was becoming an extremely difficult task.

I finally got through with the sentence: "I can care unconditionally - but I don't have to accept the behaviors unconditionally." So, he agreed that getting to the counseling center and getting into therapy was the only way to go.

Yesterday, I got a phone call from him wanting to meet for lunch and talk. He was worried about what was going to happen and if he really had the strength to resist his addictions. We talked for a few moments and I hung up to get ready to go down the road and meet him for lunch. He arrived and seemed in good shape - looks and demeanor can be deceiving. I realized that when he took out a bottle of vodka during lunch and helped himself. Once again I'm thinking - "holy Crap now what!" (raging drunks for 1000 Alex.)

At this point I'm also thinking "This is a restaurant I will be unable to go back to...." But my deepest concern is for my friend. He's at this time beginning to spin out of control. I finally get him convinced to leave the restaurant ~ he wanted to buy a backpack and I thought the walk to the store might help. (foolish thoughts for 500 Alex.) And once again I was left shaking my head in disbelief.

I knew I could get him a ride ~ a friend of both of us was still willing to work with him. Several calls later he agreed to pick us both up - but particularly "Mouthwash".

He "earned" the nickname from the Crisis Residential Unit we were both in after my stay in the hospital. He actually managed to get alcohol and smuggle it into the unit. He wasn't selfish evidently ~ more than willing to share with others. Of course, the fact that everyone was on medication that might have a very negative (as in deadly) reaction to it never figured into his conscious. The alcohol? One that needs to be banned from drug store shelves. I'm not going to reveal the name - but the next time you are in a drug store look for a mouthwash that is more than 50 proof. The night at the unit was very interesting. He was turned in to the director and actually never denied the alcohol, merely blamed whoever turned him in as being at fault.

As the counseling center I was hoping to get him into was closed Friday/Saturday and Sunday. He had promised to call on Monday to get the intake appointment, and I agreed that I would go with him. All I could do was hope that he would be able to hold on until then. We finished getting the backpack and a really great pair of sunglasses for me and went outside to wait for our friend to come and take him away.Mouthwash decides that sitting on the sidewalk is the best option. So, now I'm sitting on the sidewalk (getting down there with my knees was a fun undertaking) ~ and he's sitting there taking alternate hits from a vodka bottle and soda bottle. All I could think was what a great picture we were - and how much we both looked like older homeless men sharing a moment. As we were not sharing the bottle that's all we would be sharing. He rambled on and on and I kept praying that no one I knew would show up.

That's when the rest of the story came out. Not only had he been imbibing alcohol this week - but he had been mixing codeine cough syrup and pills (Xantax specifically) ~ a sure-fire meltdown combination. Now I'm worrying about getting arrested simply becvause I'm sitting next to him . . . and I have begun to create a catastrophe out of the situation. I'm not going to share those with you at this point ~ but later they became quite funny.

Finally we had poured him into the car and he was being taken back to the center where he lives to sleep it off ...

The sleeping it off hope ended ~ evidently ~ when he passed out in his doorstep and awoke moments later cursing and threatening everyone in sight. . . including the friend that drove him home and was trying to get him into his room. Details are a little sketchy, but from what I found out ~ he checked himself out of the center and headed off to one of the most dangerous areas of town to add crack to the ingredients in his system. Today we learned that he was beaten up and arrested...no one knows for sure, but it sounds pretty likely to me.

Today when I contemplated what had gone on - I realized that my view of things/people/places and events has really changed. I know that there is nothing I can do to help this person directly and that worrying about it is neither productive nor helpful.

What does concern me is what this says about people I am around. There will be more on that soon.